i have had clinical depression for many years, and all that mumbo jumbo (i wont go into it for your sake).

But i get very suicidal like constantly. Like once or twice a week.

And its starting to really effect my life, and my sanity.

And yet, i don't want help. Professional help i mean. I've had counselors and what not in the past, thye would even pull me out of school to talk to me at times.

And they don't help one *flippin* bit. To me, they're useless, and i don't believe that anything will ever cure me, or even ease the depression.

But i'm really sick of it, i don't want to feel like crap anymore, what do i do?

I mean... do you think it has something to do with my self image?

because many times a week i stand in front of the mirror, for a long time and just want to die, i dont like what i see, i hate what i see, my image doesn't look anything like the person i feel inside, i'm so inadiquate to what my standards want.

Anyone know what i can do? I've tried everything, and none of it works. I feel like such crap.

i mean it's friday and i can't even be a normal 15 year old guy, i don't have any friends, so i'm not out doing things, even though i would really like to.

and i'm too shy to meet people because of my self image, it's like im stuk in an endless cycle, and i don't know how to fix it.

and anyone who comes on here with negativity can go straight to *flippin* hell, i don't need your crap, go deal with your problems, don't waste your life telling me what a bad person i am for having clinically diagnosed depression.