Is there something wrong with me? Honestly? I'm just at a state of lost and I'm tired of being here. It's like whatever I do it's never good enough for me or for anyone.

It's to a point where I extremely envy my best-friend/roommate over what she is capable of doing and being. She's skinny, artistic, Intelligent, creative, pretty, flirtatious, and very sociable. She's able to get guys so easily and talk with anyone who comes up to her...

While me... I'm fat, I presume myself as very ugly, stupid, and sociably inept. I feel like I'm something men try to avoid for a reason that I don't know. I don't understand why and yet people always point out my flaws for the reason's why. Especially my friend who says every time I'm around a group of people I have the look and attitude of a cold hearted bitch who doesn't give a fuck and who doesn't want anyone to talk to them... Yet I smile and join conversations when I can and laugh and jokes I think are funny and it gets me no where.

People push me out of conversations, ignore me, or give me this look and attitude like I'm stupid.

It's always been like this and I keep wondering If I have been doing something wrong or if there's something wrong with me... it's so bad that my parents believe I am Gay and the majority of the people I talk to believe I am gay as well because I can't find men who would even attempt to try and date me, and the ones I have had all leave me because they find something better, or because it was just a joke, or because they were after a friend and not me at all.


Honestly... Is There something fucking wrong with me to where people hate me????

If you want a picture of how I look, go to myspace.com/artisticdreams and view them there...