Heres a little bit of my history...
I grew up a happy child .. my environment was a little stressful with my parents fighting and arguing all the time... I remember thinking I wish they would just get a divorce. Besides that I had alot of friends and alot of fun with them.. I was kind of a class clown, very social..
Lets see... It all started at the end of middle school I started getting stressed at home alot from my parents so I would go out with my friends to smoke weed and get away from the stress. One day I tried smoking meth, for a total of 2 times that weekend. Up until then smoking weed had been fun and relaxing... but over time I started to become withdrawn from school and I would always ditch to go get high with friends.. I had still made some new friends but I wasnt as open around people. I started just going through the motions of school.. well things started to get worse.. after becoming withdrawn from strangers. I remember showing up to class high and hearing people talking about me. I became paranoid and stopped going to school, ..instead covinving a close group of friends to ditch with me and get high everyday. well eventually when i got high around them i would hear them talk trash about me too.(I now realize i was hallucinating.) I got kicked out of my house and moved to my sisters for a couple years. There i made no friends felt terrible anxiety around strangers and got very depressed. Eventually I stopped smoking for a while thinking that the weed was making me delusional. Things got somewhat better. I no longer had delusions. But was still very anxious and depressed. Well I returned to my home town 2 years later. I had promised when i left I would smoke with my told buddies upon my return. So I did, and my hallucinations were much worse this time.. It got to the point where i was hearing voices seeing things and getting messages from the tv.. full blown schizophrenia symptoms. I got checked into the mental clinic a few times. So... I stopped smoking weed after a few relapses and eventually stopped getting treated for schizophrenia and was treated for anxiety and depression.. medications .. therapy. st johns wort and many other natural remedies. Nothing worked. Now im in the military about 4 years from the initial onset. Tried more things... diet exercise more presciptions, meditation.Still anxious, although ive been working on it.. I can fake a little bit of confidence when trying to give a class. Single (surprized?) and still depressed.No real friends ..they all ditched me once they found out i was nuts. So I dont have much of a life at all. I've been wondering all this time What it could be. depression causing anxiety? Social anxiety that causes depression? Thyroid problem? Was it the drugs? The stress? here are my symptoms..

depressed most of the time, socially anxious, racing thoughts ..lazy-tired all of the time. sleep all day. When I become anxious i get the racing heart, sweaty palms, trouble breathing correctly, tremble, racing thoughts, difficulty concentrating, poor short term momory (but very good long term for some reason)..
so thats that... Any one have any insight for me? Anything related to my story maybe?


Man... I dont wanna have to put myself down like a sick dog. lol