I suffer from major depression (partly due to permanent brain damage from an accident as a teen, partly it runs in my family.) I've been self-medicating myself with hydrocodone or any other opiate I can find, it's the only thing that helps (I don't need a lecture, I know it isn't advisable to do this). I'm out of anything right now, and I can't stop crying or being glum. I can hardly write a coherent sentence. I just want to die, but I don't want to die, if that makes any sense. I just want the pain to stop! I can't even pay attention to my children or clean the house. I've tried tons of antidepressants, they don't help. I've dealt with this for years and years, and I don't feel like I can handle much more.