Thread: I'm depressed, I hate everyone, I'm like a solid wall, I cry almost everday.?

I hate pretencious celebrities, accept the ones who do something to help people and do not flirt with their success. I get angry when people are happy, I keep my anger closed in my body, I wear a plastic face, that can hide it away, all i've got is my books, music and poetry,
Im 13 years old and I've got interests way beyond my maturity level
including, Neil Young, Leonard Cohen, Garfunkel. I get angry when celebrities are on the news because they're dead and people saying how much of a great person they where, what about all the other people who've done something in the world, fuck paul newman.The only person who I feel any love towards is a girl in my refferal unit,
I watch her from across a table, she is pretty and she smiles at me
and once we smiled at eachother for over 5 seconds, she tried to speak to me once, but I didn't have anything to say I was gobsmacked
that someone would like her would speak to a quiet boy like myself.
She has the problems I do like: getting anxious in big crowds and sweating up and feeling like running away. Everytime I see her my eyes light up and I'm happy for once in my life.
I have no emotion towards my mother, father nor my brother, I hate him and well the rest of my family. I once liked my half brother, we had alot in common but now he has grown up (in his 20's) he get the hell lost, he is so far up his own anus thats it hard to pull him out of it.
I've got depression, post traumatic stress, and slight autism (social behaviour thingy, some crap excuse a psychiatrist gave, when he couldn't think of anything else). I find it hard to smile, I smile alot to this girl and she is much like me, I hate the refferal unit, they lied to me the teachers, they the kids would be friendly and quiet, but their not! they like rap music and play it loudly on their mobile, and jump about shouting immature things.
I feel like cutting myself someday, but I don't want to because it'll seem like I just want attention.
I get annoyed when people are happy, and every day is miserable,

I feel like drifting somewhere with this girl, past the madness, past the grey and miserable sky. For once in my life love is a main features in my life. I've got no friends, no outside contact, I'm the strange stiff walking kid you would see walking down the street.
People say i'm hansome that annoys the hell at me, once my teacher said that to me, I felt like killing her damn it.
I'm in a dark place right now, and that girl could take me over a rainbow, and I never knew love had a colourful rainbow above it,
she's the only thing that keeps me going, shes so nice and smart.

People are mean on this site. I wouldn't come here for help cos u will feel worse. There is loads of help out there though. Talk to your gp. they will have the best ideas.