rejected by people,how can i overcome it ? i have bpd and ptsd...i have had a very traumatic life, i have missed out on most things.

i have a minor criminal record, a mental health record...ive never been employed.....never built up ' any ' relationships ever with neither male or female.

iam 30....i have very bad anxiety and panic, plus i avoid people and going out because of the ptsd.

i have a very low self esteem and am doubly aware of my lifes disadvantages.

ive had a big problem with rage, aggression that ive had for years....i used to have rage outbursts / attacks and lose control in public crowded places.....the rage has come from childhood bullying & victimization.

the rage attacks put me in very dangerous situations and caused me to be attacked numerous time...i publically embarressed and humiliated myself...people would laugh at me, point, etc.

ive been socially rejected before & people still behave standoffish towards me, like keeping me at a distance...even though ive improved greatly.

i have goals i want
to accomplish still, like move to europe, have a job, find a fiance, get my own house, get a fresh start...find security, happiness etc.

but iam frightened that if i go outthere and try to do things, make attempts, people might socially reject me like they always have done.

and this terrifies me.

because try as i might im a person who cares alot what people think of me, i want to be liked, loved and admired by people.

i feel bad that i have brought embarressment and disgrace upon myself in the public arena infront of all kinds of people.


now i feel tarnished..labelled..stigmatized...ostracized because of my past and all the hysteria and drama i caused.

and i can't undo it.

plus im scared if i do go outthere and try again, people will reject and alienate me.

but i can't sit here forever in my small flat or else ill never get my hopes and dreams.

so what should i do ?