I feel like two different people, i havent felt so low in about three weeks but i feel so depressed and even toying with suicidal thoughts...and then getting mad at myself cos i know i wouldnt go through with it, and i probably just want attention. I hate how i look at the moment and have become very reclusive, yet sometimes i feel like i have this great confidence and talk a lot, A LOT and go on and on and go very hyper. I don't mind being so active but its when i feel so low like this, that my energy feels so drained and i feel very alone and distant from everyone. I'm a student and i'm getting very behind in work, i tend to push things to the side and let it all pile up, yet sometimes i'm so on top of things! Problem is, i'm always going to the doctor for something or other and i feel like they just think i'm a hypochrondriac, they gave me anti-depressants when i was like 18 (21 now) which i never took in the end cos after a few weeks i felt better and thought, no i'm just being really dramatic, and just want attention and i'm not in half as bad a situation as some people. Anyway i told the doc i was suicidal then and thinking back i feel so dumb, i mean when i was a teen i thought the world was against me half the time, but when i was 18 i was starting to have a lot of flashbacks about being abused as a kid also. This obviously has affected me and from reading up on the internet i think i've ..im not sure what you call it..but like i've got through that by almost pretending it wasnt me. Anyway basically i just don't know where i'm supposed to go, do i go to a doctor? if they think im crazy will it jeopardise my studies? I can't afford to go talk about it to someone. I'm also married lol and having really bad marriage problems, communication and sexually wise. My family are already dealing with a lot and i can't talk to my husband, he doesn't seem to understand, my friends..well i know this sounds mean but the little i have of them are very self centred and would probably talk about it all to their friends. I don't know what to do or where to go next? anyone been in a situation even a little similar? any advice is appreciated thanks :-)