i know i wont do it, but i keep tempting myself to do it, when i get really depressed.
its so annoying, i know how stupid it is.
when everytrhing just keeps getting so bad, it feels so mucheasier to just end it all, but im such a freakin coward that im too scared to.
theres part of me trying to keep me alive, and part of me wanting to give up.

im seventeed and i think i have bipolar. and i have no idea who i am.
not in the crazy sense, as in i just dont know who the real me is.
ive been thorough hell and back 10 times over in life, and no one knows about my depression etc) im starting to get bullimia again. and everything is just screwed up.
plus my bipolar spisode things are so strong, and they give me crazy moodswings every five secionds.
who am i, and i the funny, outgoing, friendly girl at school, or the girl crying on the inside just wanting to die, becuse i feel like my outgoing behaviour is all just an act, trying to hard to hide my depressive side, but also crying out for help in discreet ways.

no one notices my cries, i try and i try, i just want someone to help, someoen to guess, but they dont.

i feel disgusting, im a coward and i dont deserve to be here, because i have nothing and no one to live for.
why cant they see it? why cant they understand, i cant be that good an actor.