Lately its gotten so bad that it controls me and I feel "attacked" all the time even trivial matters. I feel like I can't do the things I want b/c its wrong/a mistake/going to be regrettable. Being pessimistic, in the first place, I think of all the negatives of the decision and end up suppressing what I want to do, which only leads to pent up emotional outbursts. Sometimes the emotional outbursts are at the opposite end of the spectrum and I do things thoughtlessly just out of frustration which I feel horrible about afterwards. This guilt is also the only thing that seems to motivate me which in part motivates/is motivating me to change this attitude. (I think I think that my definition of perfect, in an action, is doing everything that I can't.??)

-Having low self esteem/inferiority complex, in addition to that, I am so easily swayed by the opinions of others.

(BTW I have consulted professional help.)


Thank you for your perspective.