I'm 5'5'', around 136 lbs. I'm very active, have some muscle, and am pretty much "fit". But I am bigger than the typical cute girl... I'm about a size 8. I know this is average, and I know it's healthy... that's not really what I'm worried about.

I've realized that in the past 4 years, I've developed a really negative relationship with food. I think about it ALL the time... constantly thinking about what I ate, what I'm going to eat, when I get to eat next... and then feeling extremely guilty when I eat "bad" foods and when I over-eat (which ultimately happens every day). I'll eat really healthy all day... and then at the end of the night, I'll "throw it all out the window" and eat a bunch of chocolatey cookies, peanut butter, etc. Not even really enjoying it... more like punishing myself with it. It's like.. since in my head it's "bad"... I lash out and reward myself for having been "good" all day. I end up feeling miserable, & the next day... it's the same story. How do I stop?