I'm 16 years old, 5'4 and weigh 87 lbs. When i went trhough puberty, i failed to make expected weight gains, so doctors diagnosed me with anorexia. Lately, I've been eating about 1800 calories a day and maintaining my weight. I'm tired of being threatend with inpatient treatment, and i feel my health may be at risk (I haven't had a period for 8months) so i would like to gain some weight. I would like to gain around 5lbs (healthily) before July 9th. The only problem is, im afraid that if i gain that 5lbs, i will feel awful about myself or my clothes won't fit or i won't be able to stop gaining. I just fear that it will get out of control.

How can i find the strength to do it? Would it even be possible and healthy to gain 5lbs by July 9th? Will i look/feel much different? Should i be pushing my body to consume more calories, or should i just stick with 1800? Am i just built this way?

Thanks in advance
sorry that was so long. And please don't say "see a therapist" I have seen quite a few, and as soon as i get in their office, they judge me by my weight and just tell my mom to put me in the hospital. They don't even listen to me. I know my weight is reall low, but i don't think going into inpatient would be right for me. I eat pretty healthy