Every few months I go on a bender and so a bunch of pills and drink a bunch of booze in hopes of an overdose -- of at least drawing attn to myself enough to get help.

I wouldn't consider myself an alcoholic... or at least at this point... but I know that I have a problem with prescription pills and depression...

I don't want to be a burden to my family if I go to rehab or whatnot, but I do think I need help or I know I will go too far... in fact, as I'm writing this... well I don't need to finish that.

I don't really know what I'm asking...

I get sad all the time, I have extreme bouts of anxiety, I take xanax and hydrocodone like they're going out ot style, I love to drink when I take them to highten my high...

I want to die... but then again, I don't...

What should I do?

Please think about this from your perspective... I have a very reputable life and I don't want to fuck it all up. (see profile...)

your help is appreciated.

xoxox