I have to ask this, not sure how really, but I owe it to people, because I can't justify hurting people, because I just don't have the right to take away any happiness they have for the sake of my own selfishness.

I've been depressed on and off for the majority of the past few years. I've tried counselling but I can't talk about myself openly for long before I start feeling confused about whether I'm making it up for attention seeking behaviour or whatever, or whether I'm just lying and confused. also generally talking about feeling bad tends to make me feel worse, like running away hurts less than confronting it. I should have had a practically perfect life from most people's points of view.

I know I'm young (17) but I just feel lost and confused and alone and tired. I don't know what's wrong, only that I don't want to live this life. I don't enjoy any of the activities I do, I just do them because otherwise I'm afraid I'd stop doing anything at all. I've cut myself before, but I can't let myself do it again because its taking the easy route out, and I shouldn't need to show such a weakness that I've probably made for myself. I don't feel I have any close friends to talk to, and I'm afraid I've driven away any I did have by being upset. I feel like I can't talk to my parents without them coming to their own conclusions or getting annoyed at me. my parents have drilled atheism into me from a young age and I feel like in society everyone is out for themselves, and don't want to help other people, least of all me when everything they try doesn't seem to work.


I don't know what to do, please, if anyone can offer help/advice please do.