he's an asshole
i've been dating a guy for four years that diagnosed himself with asperger's syndrome just over a year ago. while some aspects of his personality seem to correlate very well with aspergers (social confusion, physically akward) other aspects dont seem to jibe at all (understanding and use of sarcasm and metaphor, ability to connect emotionally in intimate situations)
of course i realize that there are many ranges in the autistic spectrum, and the symptoms of aspergers are unique to every individual. but still, something wasn't right. we split up for a significant period of time last year, and during that time he spoke with a mental health professional about his "condition". he later told me that the person he spoke with had told him that he did not, in fact, have aspergers. then a few weeks later, during an argument, he changed his story and said that the same counselor had changed his mind and told him that he did have aspergers.
now, my boyfriend is an extremely intelligent individual. when he first suspected he might have aspergers the first thing he did was learn all that he could about it. i was supportive of this, until i started to notice that his aspergers symptoms were becoming more inflamed. his new understanding of himself had become a crutch instead of a means to cope, and having aspergers became an excuse for everything that he did to upset me.
i'm not trying to say that either my boyfriend or this apparently unsavory individual are faking having aspergers. that would be unfairly assumptive at best, and downright arrogant at worst. what i am saying is that being neurologically atypical is not an excuse to treat people like shit. people that have struggled to have friendships and romantic relationships who have aspergers are actually well known for finding an intellectual solution for their lack of social and emotional understanding. using aspergers as an excuse to do and say insensitive things, however, is not a typical hallmark of aspergers. and believe me, if that was what my boyfriend was doing i would have dumped him a long time ago. he just uses it as an excuse to be self-indulgent and immature, but it's pretty harmless. and he does try very hard now to understand the way neurotypical people see the world, as opposed to only trying to get me to see things his way. this individual that youre dealing with does not seem harmless, but rather downright abusive. if he does have aspergers he's using it as an excuse to be insensitive to others, and getting away with it because no decent person wants to be unkind to someone with a disability. and if he doesnt have it, then he's an insidious asshole thats not worth your attention.
either way, this person seems hellbent on alienating himself. so i say let him.
quantum peace.
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