my dad commited suicide at the end of last year he had bipolar all his life and got to a peak in his life where he stopped taking med's and this ended up being why he died, when he was young he was very into drugs to try and escape this horrible reality he left my mum and us so he wouldnt hurt us it was to much for him to handle and i cant stop thinking the same is about to happen for me as i have adapted his bipolar, somehow whenever friends are doing drugs i think finally a chance to get away and i feel im following, i want to be everything i can in life but my brothers (also bipolar) tell me that im not be scared however m scared of thoughts and im scared ill end up the same.

does it sound all to similiar? and how do i stop thinking that im going to end up the same?

and how do i control the drugs if they are not helping my already bad condition?