My first love was with a sociopath, I didn't realize this until much later. I have had amazing closer with my relationship with this man even though I had a child with him. My obsession with understanding his nature has finally diminished and I have been more than o.k. with the past for at least three years.

Unfortunatly being with this guy and possible the hard drugs we did together left a permanant scare on my emotional state. To make it really simple I have three issues that are making relationships impossible in my life.

I seem to be picking guys that don't meet my standards, and display simular behaviors to my ex even though I know it is the exact opposite of what i want it seems to be what i attrack and what i am attracked to.

the secound issue is I have such trust issues I almost feel crazy I never know whats true so It impossible for me to gage whether my suspicions are rational or not, I allways have this feeling down deep that they don't really love me they want to destroy me.

the third problem is that the more relationships i seem to go through the more detatched I'm feeling and sometime i date men just to torment them, its either one or the other either I love them and am wrestless with suspicion, or I am trying to hurt them like its some kind of sport. the scary part of this is that i enjoy hurting men more than i enjoy being in love by a longshot. I'm starting to wonder if im developing anti-social behaviors myself.


I am currently single I threw my boyfriend of about a year out weeks ago because of almost no reason and have not spoken to him sinse, he leaves flowers and messages every day, and i feel almost nothing about it.

im not even sure what kind of question im asking can anyone shed some light on this, am I just f**ked emotionally?