My wife wonít cook or clean without a fight.

The economy is obviously terrible. We have trouble finding work, but we decided that since the type of work I do pays a lot more, it makes the most sense that I be the one to work to support our family financially.

We agreed that my role is to work and hers is to take care of the home with cooking and cleaning. Even though there are gaps between when I get freelance jobs, I am still able to maintain financial support for us. And in the gaps, I am on top of the job boards, sending resumes and networking every day first thing in the morning.

The trouble is she sleeps in all day and stays up all night. She wakes up at 5 in the afternoon and goes straight to watching tv. When I ask for some food, she tells me to make it myself and it turns into a fight. Same with cleaning. The place is a mess and itís all her stuff. She buys magazines, takes on messy hobbies like making bead jewelry, and leaves her clothes all over the place. You canít even walk in our apartment. When I ask if she can straighten things up, it turns into another fight. She yells at me, saying I donít appreciate what she does. She belittles me, saying I canít keep a stable job. She tells me sheís sick of seeing me and just wants me to go away.

Iíve tried talking to her, saying if she wants to work too, then we can try to hire a maid a couple days a week to make sure the dishes donít pile up, but she doesnít seem to want to do that either. Iíve also tried being firm with her, saying that if she wants me to cook and clean for myself on top of making money, then she should hand over her credit cards and be prepared to do the same. That way seems more like roommates to me than a marriage. Babying her also does not seem to work. I sit with her, hold her hand, and ask why sheís feeling the way she does. I buy her chocolate and other junk food she likes, even though we donít have money to spare, and it just enables her to relax more on the couch.


It doesnít seem right to me that one person doesnít share with responsibilities in a marriage. Iím flexible with whatever she wants to do, but sheís not following through with the thing she says sheíll do.

WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!!!!