alright alrighttttttt! If you have some spare time to read my rant and comment what I have to say, thank you!

Heres some facts about me:
I'm a social smoker. mmm, cigs.
I'm a bi male(80%gay/20%sraight) and I just started college as a freshman but I don't dorm, I commute.. (im 19). I'm also still in the closet, although it can be obvious at times by the way I speak.. it sucks. uhh. But I tend to change my voice to a more masculine tone when need be (when i'm around someone i like)
One of the bad traits from me is that I love a challenge. Aka all my crushes are towards straight men. I don't find openly gay men attractive at all (nothing against them or anything). I just love the attitude of a straight guy. Which means I'd probably be interested in straight acting gay men.

anywayyyy!
I'm really frustrated and stressed out and stuff from college and life out of college. I've never been in a relationship before with a guy, let alone a girl. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not "one of those that can't get a someone" or anything, but the thing is, I used to be overweight when I was in elementary to high school. I also didn't know how to dress nicely. But ever since I started running and working out, I'm fit and good lookin' : ) My friend taught me how to dress very simple and nicely, such as a v-neck with jeans, or trendy flannels with jeans and stuff.
Anyway.. I was talking to this one guy during highschool. He was the CuTeSt HoTtEsT guy ever, but one of my friends kept making fun of him for looking too cool and trendy and at the same time, being a "fag closet" as she'd like to say it, and that I should basically stop talking to him or she won't be my friend. And stupid of me, I liked to believe whatever she says because I'm gullible and she was my best friend. Its quite ironic because she's an open lesbian. So I stopped talking to him after a few months. He was a really great guy too. He was considered straight, he had many girlfriends, and he always paid for our dinner and weed.

I had so many chances of hookin up with guys and girls at parties and stuff, but I never took the chance, because when I had the chance, I felt it was too easy and I wanted a challenge.. :'(

Anyway.. back to the story. I can honestly say now that I'm a handsome male that dresses very nicely. Heres the thing: I always go out with friends to do hookah and just hangout everywhere, and theres always these guys who I find attractive. As I walk towards them, they take a quick glance and then look the other way. After I walk pass this guy, I can see him turn around and continue to look at me. WHY WONT HE JUST STOP ME AND SAY HEY WHATS UP?!?! But same goes for me.. I'm a really shy person when it comes to meeting someone I find attractive, but after that, I'm the happiest most outgoing guy there is! Anyway, this happens all the time and it upsets me, because after high school, i felt I was ready for a boyfriend/girlfriend(more on the boyfriend side). I want to know how it feels to be in love, or to hug someone passionately, or watch movies and eat popcorn together, or even argue with. I want to experience what a couple experiences.
But I never had the "balls" to talk to anyone. I always wait for that person to make the move, which sucks. I'm into straight men, but straight men are either closeted or straight! So the closeted ones won't make any moves unless the other person did(unless they were drunk) ahh.. That leaves me at such a tight spot. Like, I'm getting depressed over the fact that I want and can't find a boyfriend, yet I'm being picky with what I want. It just doesn't work out!!!
I know I can get a girlfriend easily, but whats the fun in that.. I want a boyfriend!!




Ok i'm done. That made me feel better. I just needed to vent. Hehe

yepppers. kk