I'm a guy and bi but had never been with a guy, when I was 22 I met this guy he was 20 and we really got on and I started developing feelings for him, he was actually tall and muscly lol and i was shorter and skinny when we met I was really popular and had lots of friends and was outgoing he was going through a rough patch because a family member had died, anyway I got with him and things were good but I noticed things like he would want to know where I was always and start if I went out for half an hour but he would go out for half a day! after about 6 months he started becoming verbally abusive, I started being accused of flirting with people, being a slut, I had already fallen out with a lot of my family because of being with a man and he had recently lossed someone and i do actually love him so I put up with it thinking he would get back to how he used to be, then even though people had always called me good looking he started saying things like you're not fit, you're a slut, old etc in between there were times when he used to be like he was when we met nice but then hes family started coming around and they were very abusive to me and if I told him instead of him telling them not to do that he would tell them and leave and they would be even more abusive, I used to have loads of friends and little by little I lossed them not for being with a man but because they said I could do much better and he was treating me like dirt and controlling me but I had feelings for him and didn't know what to do, anyway I left 5 times in 2 years and every time he made me come back by saying a whole load of lies and blaming me for everything, this last time I left for two months because i had just turned 24 he didn't even bother to get me a card then a few days later he went mad because I had put a x on someones facebook! started calling me old slag etc! he's only 2 years younger,

During the two months his little brother kept contacting me and being very nice saying my ex loved me etc missed me and so did my ex and they behaved like everything would be different, at this point I was/am back home with my parents and my dad had started being abusive because I had gone with a man so I agreed to go back, soon as I got there abuse from the family started again and from him nothing had changed except now I was being threatened with violence! again as I was about to leave they tried to be nice and stop me i said it was finished i cant do this anymore and I was threatened to be beaten up by the big brother and I could not see my ex again! (i was thinking thank god),

Anyway my question is how do I get back to what I was 2 years ago, he ruined my life, the whole family belittled me after slowly making me loose the good things I had in my life and then blaming me for everything, I had a very good job, not the best family in the world but it was happy enough and I had some very good friends, that's all gone now well most of it and so has my confidence. No matter what people say and even though I remember how things used to be good for me and people did like me I just feel stupid, weak, unattractive and like my life's ended.