Thread: I've been majorly doubting my sexuality lately...Does anybody have any advice?

(This is a long one...)? I've been having doubts about my sexuality for at least a couple years, but now it's getting even more confusing. Here's some background: I'm a girl, in case you couldn't tell by my avatar...I'm 17, and I remember wondering if I was attracted to girls my sophomore year, but I don't know if I did before that. I have very little experience. I've had one boyfriend, and it was a long distance relationship. We kissed (as in making out) once, but I ended it after about 4 seconds because I felt absolutely nothing during the kiss. (It was very akward for me.) I have genuinely liked one guy, but he's very girly, and he never liked me back anyways. The main reason this is such a concern for me is that I think I might have a crush on my best friend. I've felt like this ever since I started doubting my sexuality, but I've just gotten so obssessive about it. I can't stop thinking about her, and my feelings for her, and what it would feel like if we kissed, or if she thinks I'm attractive, or if she has doubts the same way I do. We have a kind of a joke within my group of friends of acting slightly lesbianish. It wouldn't bothewr my best friend at all if I reached over and grabbed her hand, I could even go so far as to kiss her cheek. It's a half-joking kind of thing, but I have to wonder why she lets it continue on unlless she's a little curious about our relationship as well. We've discussed the possibility of us being lesbians/bi about a year ago, not in depth, but we brought it up. I could probably bring it up again without getting too nervous about it, because ieven if she didn't return the feelings, I don't think it would put a horrible strain on our relationship. And if she did admit to liking me, I have a feeling we would both be way too chicken to do anything. I get so jittery just thinking about it.Please don't tell me just to talk to her about it, I don't know if I have the guts to do even that. If it did come up, it would have to be very natural. I used to be ashamed of feeling this way, but I've accepted it. Now I just really want to know if it's true or not! Do you think I like men, or women, or both? And do I have a chance with my best friend? If you want anymore information, ask, and I'll post it as additional details.

Thank you all in advance for the amazing advice you are sure to give me! (I hope...)

Based on my experience in this area (and boy do I have it), it seems to me that you pretty much like girls. In fact I'm almost positive you like girls from what you tell us, but you might still like guys, I can't say for sure on that one. As to whether you have a chance with your bff, that's trickier. When you're crazy about someone, you tend to look at the smallest details as signs that the other might feel the same. Granted, these might be genuine signs that they do, but they just as easily may not. To me it sounds like your friend has a higher chance of potentially liking you back than was my experience. I was always given "hints" that if I told her I was into her, she would ditch me, even possibly if she knew I was gay (which didn't turn out to be the case, luckily - she realized her ridiculousness in that one I think, and even probably knows I was way into her).

I know you said not to tell you to ask her, but... Ask her. Do your subtle thing. You know how to bring things up with her in the way you'll both be most comfortable. You don't have to admit your feelings for her, even - just tell her in general that you have a pretty good idea that you don't like guys (if you decide this of course).

i think you are prob bi. I know you don't want to talk to your best friend about it but sounds like the only option. Have a sleep over and joke around and then just say how you are curious about kissing a girl and stuff and if she is too then try it. I'm sure she feels the same way as you or else she would never let you joke around with her like that. It's not that weird to kiss a girl so you should just try it.