Thread: I'm head over heals for a guy who appears to be denying his own sexuality,...

...suggestions on how to move forward? *This is a repost of a question I posted back at the start of November, I didn't really get a good answer so I thought I'd give it another go**

Ok, so I'm back from holiday, I thought I'd misread a situation (when your bi and in your 40's you don't do this very often) but it raised it's head again, and if there is any way of resolving this I'll jump at it no matter what it takes.

I'm a bi guy in my mid 40's who has been getting mixed messages off a friend for a while (we're talking about 12 months +). A couple of times I've put this down to misreading the situation, the other guy swears he's not gay, not bi (but knows I am), not even bi-curious, and hell he's not even my usual type! He's getting ribbed something rotten about his sexuality by mutual friends (so am I but I thrive on it), but I don't even think he consciously realizes it's because of the way he's seen interacting with me.

Normally with someone who seems interested I'd do my best to make them feel comfortable so I can get to know them better, should I be wrong about their interest then no harm done. However with the guy in question here I don't even get the chance any more (we've been there – to a point – when we first got to know each other). As an example, recently in the company of friends, he commented on the fabric of the shirt I was wearing, and while we started chatting he was feeling and stroking my shirt. No one commented on his actions – I was enjoying the attention – but after maybe 20 seconds or so (it felt like a lifetime) he either realized I was enjoying it too much, spotted the amused expressions of our friends, or just realized what he was doing. He then pretty much broke off in mid sentence and made a quick exit. This isn't a solitary situation, when we meet he tends to drift towards me, gets very close (closer than would normally be comfortable), gets a little touchy feely (I've never known a straight man to act quite like this), before realization kicks in, then runs away.

My impression is that while he's (very) interested for some reason he's scared to high heaven admit it and act on his feelings, and frankly I'm at a loss as to how to take this any further. I can't seem to get to have a long “comfort” chat with him any more because of the way he seems to frighten himself off.

Thinking this out, has maybe given me a couple more ideas, but any suggestions will be greatly appreciated!

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I'm thinking I've got to engineer a situation where I get to talk to him where he'll feel safe but out of view of our mutual friends. I'm still not sure that he won't run again though.

I've experienced this exact same scenario. There are a couple of things you should know...first is that it IS possible you'll spend a lifetime waiting for something that may never happen...OR...could happen at the drop of a hat. Next is for you to truly believe that he's 'worth it' and wait...OR...NOT. Realizing that 'love' is where one is more interested in the well-being of the other person than oneself, versus 'lust' where one cares more about oneself than the other person...you will need to decide which it is and whether you wish to 'invest' your time...or not... Given my situation...I have never loved anyone as much in my entire existence...and I realized my 'decision' was already made. Whether or not he chooses to accept my love and respond is his prerogative...to date, he's not wanted to 'let me leave' when he's been given the many opportunities to do so... You know the old saying..."HOPE springs eternal"...there is NO life without it...

You cannot force him to love you. If he is not ready or if he doesn't want to there's nothing you can do about it. Are you even sure he's attracted to men???