Thread: I really need help understanding my sexuality?

I am a bit confused. I'm gay and I don't want to be, so I have been looking for resources that could help me understand why I feel this way. I understand the arguments over homosexuality being biological and being born that way, but at the same time I understand the argument of homosexuality being a matter of choice. I certainly didn't choose to be gay, but I do not think I was born gay. I remember growing up with friends and family and we were very curious as children when it came to sex and sexual activities. We didn't know much but we liked what we were doing. We would play "Find and Grind' with the girls and I liked it. When I was 12 years old I was molested. Scared and not knowing what to do this continued for a period of time. I kept that secret for many years and overtime, I guess I developed a sexual appetite for men. I fought in my own mind for a long time saying I was bi-sexual because I was always sexually attracted to women, but ever since my encounter with my molester I have never attempted to have sexual relations with women. Overtime I have become a very reserved type of guy, not saying much very introverted, and sometimes unsociable. I know I need counseling, but I need some real answers. Honestly can homosexuality be overcome, if so can someone point me in the right direction.

Homosexuality can't be overcome but internalized homophobia can be. Talk to your doctor about a referral to a legitimate shrink, or check with your local psychologist's society

Your question. Part a)
Forget the arguments. Arguments happen because bisexuals make a choice to go for one or the other. Only you know what choices you made, or you did not make one. Its the fact some do and some don't that causes the argument.

Part b)
Sorry to read you were molested. That has nothing to do with your sexuality. If it did then bis and gays would be reporting they were molested. Yet in my experience of molested people they are spread through the three sexuality groups, hetero - bi - homosexuality. (putting aside the sub groups.)

You also speak about a bisexual period.
Some people remain the same while some change over time.

I knew one guy that was heterosexual and happily married with children until he was 45. He had a total shift in sexuality. He left his family and found a man. They then had a commitment service. Not common but it does happen.

Bisexual behaviour is one of the reason some men have problems dealing with gays. They had various same sex encounters when in school yet they picked a women as a partner. Well that is to say as a public statement as many of these men are the guys who visit public toilets for quick sexual encounters on the way home. Yet when a gay man bring same sex into the light, something these men don't want as its to close to home for them. They attempt to hide their secret by condemning the behaviour.

I suspect you are as you have described but due to molesting you have used it as an easy out. A way of explaining your inner feelings. Easier than accepting that this is how you are.

i feel exactly the same way as you, im a lesbian but i really dont want to be, not for the same reasons as you but just because i believe life would be easier!!! I know i have to find a way to overcome this and accept who i am!! Im starting to socialise within the gay scene to try and accept it which is helping a lot maybe you could try the same!

i feel exactly the same way as you, im a lesbian but i really dont want to be, not for the same reasons as you but just because i believe life would be easier!!! I know i have to find a way to overcome this and accept who i am!! Im starting to socialise within the gay scene to try and accept it which is helping a lot maybe you could try the same!

Your question. Part a)
Forget the arguments. Arguments happen because bisexuals make a choice to go for one or the other. Only you know what choices you made, or you did not make one. Its the fact some do and some don't that causes the argument.

Part b)
Sorry to read you were molested. That has nothing to do with your sexuality. If it did then bis and gays would be reporting they were molested. Yet in my experience of molested people they are spread through the three sexuality groups, hetero - bi - homosexuality. (putting aside the sub groups.)

You also speak about a bisexual period.
Some people remain the same while some change over time.

I knew one guy that was heterosexual and happily married with children until he was 45. He had a total shift in sexuality. He left his family and found a man. They then had a commitment service. Not common but it does happen.

Bisexual behaviour is one of the reason some men have problems dealing with gays. They had various same sex encounters when in school yet they picked a women as a partner. Well that is to say as a public statement as many of these men are the guys who visit public toilets for quick sexual encounters on the way home. Yet when a gay man bring same sex into the light, something these men don't want as its to close to home for them. They attempt to hide their secret by condemning the behaviour.

I suspect you are as you have described but due to molesting you have used it as an easy out. A way of explaining your inner feelings. Easier than accepting that this is how you are.