Recently, I've become more aware of my sexuality, and the sexuality of those around me. I've also become increasingly worried that I'm gay. Now, nothing against gays personally, I just don't think that their lifestyle is for me.

But for some reason, I've been increasingly worried that I'm not acting as a normal guy should act. (Yes, yes, normality is subjective.) First off, I am 17 years old, and halfway through my high school career. I've never really been into sports; I would always prefer reading and writing over playing outside, etc. I am starting to like football, though. I just don't know how to play it yet. I've NEVER done any sports or lifted weights, so I'm exceptionally thin. Although I've been trying to get into weight lifting, as well.

I've always had a better relationship with my mother than my father. I don't know why, just did.

I have trouble making friends with other guys. I have a couple close guy friends that I talk to and stuff, but I'm more popular with the girls. I get along with them quite well, except for all their drama. I always end up the friend to the girl, but never the boyfriend-type guy.

This leads me to my next point. I'm definitely interested in girls (Just the hot ones), but I never really get much dating in. I'm focused on my school work, and I'm always the go-to guy for them. I also find myself talking to JUST girls on the internet, because they are able to entertain the deeper questions I pose to them more easily than most guys.

I like video games and being on the computer, reading, and writing. Which is typical guy stuff, except for the reading and writing.

And here is where I run into my problem. From a very young age, I started viewing straight porn. I learned to masturbate, etc etc, and by the time I turn 15 or so, I start getting into more deviant porn styles, including gay porn. I find that gay porn turns me on about as much as straight porn does. I'm still able to climax to both, but it's a tiny bit easier to climax to gay porn. I sometimes have dreams about sexual encounters with guys. They don't come quite as often anymore, but I still have them every so often. The only dreams I have regarding women are purely romantic dreams. (i.e. a girl I like kissing me or on a date with me or something somewhat platonic like that.)

The thing is, I could only think of CERTAIN guys in a purely sexual way. There's nothing emotional about it. I can't ever see myself dating or kissing a guy. It's only when I'm turned on by something else does the thought of encounters with a guy even cross my mind.

Even so, girls take up most of my sexual thoughts and I CAN get off to straight porn. But every so often I watch gay porn, get off a little bit faster, and feel disgusted and confused. Can anyone shed some light on what I might be going through? Could it be hormones? And, if that is (or is not) the case, is there any hope for me to become a normal straight man? And please do not say Just be happy with who you are because that is not an answer. Thank you!