Maya J

Ok first of, i am 12 so dont be like....well it sounds like a kid rote it because well yeah. second off i wrote it all today in about 15 mins, i thot it was kinda good so i put it on. Just critisize away
ave loved u for all my life,
but never have i told you.
You talk of a girl you have loved for quite some time now.
and seem happier than ever.
I cry knowing now that i can not have you.
I want to stay silent tho,
because it will make you happy.
Hope is still with me,
Until one night,
as best friends we were laughing you tell me there
is something you really want to do.
I stare at you but it seems as if you can not stare back.
You tell me your going to propose to the girl.
My mind goes thoughtless for a minute,
then i run, and run.
You call after me but you are not one
to see me weep.
All hope now gone.
I feel like love will never find me.
I go to the bathroom, and see something i
had never seen before.
Not knowing where it came from,
nor caring.
Its long, Sharp, and shiny.
Before thinking of what could happen
again not caring.
My once tender skin being torn...
Affliction, my mind is empty.
I realize, something had gone wrong.
I bring my arm to my mouth,
the taist as strong as iron.
I feel myself fall and fall. until finnaly
My body hits the end.
A week later my body lie in a coffin.
Only my soul had left.
He had came.
He placed a ring on my wedding finder.
and engraved on it,
it said.
I do.
So yeah all that time it was her he was in love with and she was in love with but stupidly they just did not notice!!

Gold Digger ♥

You are an AMAZING poet. I loved that poem and it almost made me cry.. haha. I'm 12 too, and even though Im the top student in my class, I cant NOT make poetry like that. & even if I could, it would take me months to write that! EXCELLENT WORK! :] I cant critize anything, you are fantastic. You should enter a poetry contest.

aimee

These are really good!! when i try and write and can't think of anything i try and read what other poets wrote whether it be from songs or just regular poems and i try and rewrite what they said with different descriptive words. it's a good exercise that gets your mind going and also broadens your vocabulary so your poems sound 100x better!! keep writing and they'll keep getting better and better!

Fender

Your lines are misleading the points and half of it doesn't rhyme you need to practise writing songs and using choruses too plus the story doesn't follow a proper order. But keep trying though you'll get better.

italianbutt

wow what a good poem!!! Who cares if your 12 or 20 and if its good or not.. if you enjoy doin it then thats all that matters! When I was your age i had a poem book. In my teenage years I had so many thoughts and things i wanted to say and write down and they flew into my head and i started to record them.. i didnt think anythin of it until i was 18 and took the book out and showed someone for the 1st time. I was shocked to hear i was really good and everyone loved reading them! i say keep going your really good and got the potential to get way better. Your poem was moving, sweet, told a story and very sad... I hope it was not a true story!

x good luck

poet2be

wow, its a great poem

upyerjumper

Hmm.. for your age its a good one - you need to work out the spelling mistakes and then put it into perspective..that is to say..don't try to repeat the same thing by saying it differently in the next line. Hope is with you..then the undefined somewhere in the future reference is not a good choice of words..if 'hope is with you'..try 'then one night'.

♫ Roxie ♥

You're saying you're just 12!!?? More like a professional poet that's around 30.

I simply love it!
Cheers!

Sarah

Awesome! I wish I was that talented with words and feelings like that. BRAVO!!

♥livingdeadgirl♥

that's a very beautiful story - amazingly,i really genuinely liked it. very good job ♥