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can you all read this short story and give me constructive criticism?
I am starting out trying to write and would like to get some constructive criticism for my writing. Please tell if the story flows and if i go on tangents and anything else that you think might help me. This is my first attempt at writing so please don't be too harsh. I put it up on my server because it was too long to put here
http://www.jakesdevserver.net/writing/index.html
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