"Why won't [popular geekboy] add me on Facebook?" asked my friend the other night. "I'm a good 'friend.'" The book's already been written on
how to be a friend. But screw meaningful relationships; how can you be a good "friend"? You know, someone very addable on Facebook, LinkedIn, and such? First, ignore that even asking this question is kind of pathetic. Then...
1. Get in the friend zone. Have at least 15 "friends" so you don't look like a loner. But if you're just starting your career or not very connected, be wary of filling out with over 100 tenuous connections; after that, keep it below 300. Unless, of course, you're legitimately beyond that because you have a high-connected role like "publicist," "United Way volunteer coordinator," or "madam."
2. Be the interesting one. On a network where people actually do stuff (like the social messaging site
Twitter), you can set yourself apart just by never wasting other people's time. Don't tell everyone "I'm making a sandwich." Tell them "I just dropped half my sandwich on the floor, peanut-butter side down. I picked out a couple of hairs so I think it's still okay to eat."
3. Interact with your friends. A Facebook user who just sits there without messaging, writing on walls, or at least joining a couple of groups; or a YouTube user who's never left a comment; or a Flickr user who has just three favorite photos, is like a sex partner who just lies there.
4. Let it all hang out. The more someone can see of your profile before they be"friend" you, the more likely they'll see something that makes you a good "friend."
5. Remember the reality curve. The more activity that happens on a social site, the more "friends" you can add that aren't actually friends. For instance, adding a hundred people you've never shaken hands with on Facebook is bad. Adding a hundred such people on Yahoo Chess, not bad at all.
6. Fake it just a little. Put up a flattering profile photo or highlight your best accomplishment. The slight disappointment as your "friend" gets to know you is a normal part of all human relationships. Just avoid lies and Photoshop.
7. Don't set your relationship status to "It's complicated." No one wants friends who are "complicated." Unless, of course, they're kind of creepy and think they can steal you away from whomever things are complicated
with.
8. Link your social profiles to each other. Link to your Blogger or MySpace accounts from your Facebook profile. (Unless, of course, that's where you keep your private confessions and bong collection photos.) Like adding your friends as "friends" and filling out your profile, this just fills in context about you and makes you seem more like a real person.
9. Make mutual "friends." For a particularly tough-to-meet "friend," you've got to invade from neighboring territories. Yes, this is a metaphor from Risk, but it's kinda true.
10. Leave a wall post on birthdays. Endorse your colleagues. Favorite your "friends'" photos. Even if these little gestures feel meaningless to give, they feel strangely powerful to receive. In another sense, that's the whole point of being a good "friend."
Bonus: 11. Forget about it. Some people just don't like to have more than a few "friends." Or maybe they're just not that into you. Wouldn't you rather have
friends?
Photo (CC) Adactio. Nick Douglas writes for Valleywag and Look Shiny. This is not an invitation to be his "friend."
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