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Yeah, format this and add grammar. When punctuating dialogue, the period or comma (or exclamation point or question mark, etc.) goes inside the quotation marks.
You also have a misspelling in the first sentence. That turns me off immediately. Spell check and revise your own work before you post it on the Internet so other people can do it for you.
If you want a really in-depth critique, wander over to www.teenagewriters.com. It's a great forum with lots of talented critics that could turn this into something workable.
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