eee
Member
- Sep 7, 2007
- 705
- 0
- 16
Somehow I'm not crying. I've just gotten sick of it I guess. I am shaking though. I'm 17, a guy, and I can honestly say my family can't be together. We are a pretty poor excuse for a family. Tonight is supposed to be Christmas, yet we're not happy. I'll start with how things were before. My dad had problems with alcohol and was sometimes abusive. My mom played the victim throughout the entire thing. My parents are dilusional in that they don't think anything is wrong. They think our family is normal and that all family's have some sort of dysfunction. Well trust me, the level of dysfunction in our family isn't normal at all. My mom is just making excuses. My dad has called me names such as b@stard and stupid f--k and again, my mom has made excuses for this behaviour.
I know my parents care about me, but the their way of thinking is sick. They try to rationalize their behaviour and make their kids believe it's normal. I'm a lot more intelligent than that. They can't fool me. I know that this is not how family's should act towards each other. It all started today when my parents went to my aunt's house for Christmas Eve. When they came home, they were being too loud apparantly and woke my sister up. Well she came downstairs angry about it and that's when my dad just flipped out and started yelling at us. My sister got upset and started crying. My delusional mom claimed it was our fault because they were kissing and hugging(not once in my entire life have I seen them do this) on the couch or something. So I try to talk to my mom but she's all mad and telling us that we're ungrateful kids because my dad does so much for us. No matter how many times I try to tell her the pain I feel from the past, she just tells me to get over it or she tells me my feelings aren't justified. There's the victim in her speaking again. She's trying to tell me I don't have a right to feel angry. She's trying to make me just like her.
I can honestly say I hate my dad and my mom. I used to forgive my dad for the things he did. He would always say sorry then do the same thing again after I forgave him. I used to feel bad for him and my mom in a way. Then after it just got to a point where I simply stopped caring. I couldn't do it anymore. It was draining for me. Even a counsellor I've been seeing has told me to stop caring because I need to worry about myself. I've spent a very long time in depression and it's because of my family. So I stopped caring. Did a whole lot for me. Now I'm just focused on moving away from my family. I was trying to tell my mom that we are a dysfuctional family and it's gotten to the point were we will never be close. She of course won't see it and kept trying to tell me that it's our fault. Well if it really is our fault, it's because it started with them. I just accused her of being drunk and laughed at her. I laughed at both of them. They really are pathetic and it's sad to see them like this.
Please don't think of me as selfish or ungrateful. I really wish our family could be close, but it's not going to happen. It hurts me so much to know this fact. Don't tell me it's going to happen becaue I've observed my family and I can honestly say it won't happen. My family will always be my family, but that doesn't mean I have to be close with them. I have so much pain in my heart and unfortunately, they are the ones who are causing it. So my best bet is to leave. It's all I can do. I want to be happy, but it's not going to happen while I'm living at home. I don't want to hear excuses anymore. My parents seem to think they're better than me. That's false. I'm the one who's been going to counselling and trying to help myself, while they're too proud for it. They refuse to go. If they do, they don't stay. My mom tells me she's been there and she says she's smarter than the counsellor. Yeah right. What do you all think?
I'm so sorry if this doesn't make sense. I'm just very upset by all of this. I have a lot of problems and they have been getting to me lately. I've tried to help my mom, but it can't be done. She's going to have to realize her own situation, which from the looks of it isn't going to happen. Ironically, I was the calm one in this situation. I'm usually the one who starts crying and yelling at them when they do this. They have a very negative attitude my parents. I want to be positive and that's another reason why I need to get away from them. I ask you to please not judge me because you don't know the full story. I wish you did. I know that I don't want to do the same things my dad did. I want to be a good person. My counsellor tells me I'm sensitive, mature, and intelligent and that I would make a good social worker one day. I've seriously thought about getting into it because I really want to help people and make a positive difference in people's lives.
I don't want to make an effort to be close with them anymore. I just want to get away from them. I can't deal with their attitude. My mom claims I don't appreciate her or my dad. The reasons above are why I don't appreciate them, but they don't get it. I'll tell you I could appreciate and give them all the love and respect in the world. It won't make a difference. They will still hve the exact same attitude. So why bother? Better to just forget about them and focus on my own life.
Sorry just a little more. My dad also once asked me if he and my mom should get divorced. I was 14 when he asked this. That's just an example of his stupidity. Why would somebody put that kind of pressure on their own children?
Don't worry. I won't ever drink or do drugs. I decided early I wouldn't do the same things as my parents. I actually once told my mom I would never start drinking. She actually had the nerve to tell me that I most likely would. I would be out with friends and I would then start drinking. Just an example of her victim role. She clearly doesn't understand that I would never hang out with friends who made me do that.
Trust me, my counsellor doesn't do that. She actually does listen and wants to help. She does something new for me every week I see her.
I know my parents care about me, but the their way of thinking is sick. They try to rationalize their behaviour and make their kids believe it's normal. I'm a lot more intelligent than that. They can't fool me. I know that this is not how family's should act towards each other. It all started today when my parents went to my aunt's house for Christmas Eve. When they came home, they were being too loud apparantly and woke my sister up. Well she came downstairs angry about it and that's when my dad just flipped out and started yelling at us. My sister got upset and started crying. My delusional mom claimed it was our fault because they were kissing and hugging(not once in my entire life have I seen them do this) on the couch or something. So I try to talk to my mom but she's all mad and telling us that we're ungrateful kids because my dad does so much for us. No matter how many times I try to tell her the pain I feel from the past, she just tells me to get over it or she tells me my feelings aren't justified. There's the victim in her speaking again. She's trying to tell me I don't have a right to feel angry. She's trying to make me just like her.
I can honestly say I hate my dad and my mom. I used to forgive my dad for the things he did. He would always say sorry then do the same thing again after I forgave him. I used to feel bad for him and my mom in a way. Then after it just got to a point where I simply stopped caring. I couldn't do it anymore. It was draining for me. Even a counsellor I've been seeing has told me to stop caring because I need to worry about myself. I've spent a very long time in depression and it's because of my family. So I stopped caring. Did a whole lot for me. Now I'm just focused on moving away from my family. I was trying to tell my mom that we are a dysfuctional family and it's gotten to the point were we will never be close. She of course won't see it and kept trying to tell me that it's our fault. Well if it really is our fault, it's because it started with them. I just accused her of being drunk and laughed at her. I laughed at both of them. They really are pathetic and it's sad to see them like this.
Please don't think of me as selfish or ungrateful. I really wish our family could be close, but it's not going to happen. It hurts me so much to know this fact. Don't tell me it's going to happen becaue I've observed my family and I can honestly say it won't happen. My family will always be my family, but that doesn't mean I have to be close with them. I have so much pain in my heart and unfortunately, they are the ones who are causing it. So my best bet is to leave. It's all I can do. I want to be happy, but it's not going to happen while I'm living at home. I don't want to hear excuses anymore. My parents seem to think they're better than me. That's false. I'm the one who's been going to counselling and trying to help myself, while they're too proud for it. They refuse to go. If they do, they don't stay. My mom tells me she's been there and she says she's smarter than the counsellor. Yeah right. What do you all think?
I'm so sorry if this doesn't make sense. I'm just very upset by all of this. I have a lot of problems and they have been getting to me lately. I've tried to help my mom, but it can't be done. She's going to have to realize her own situation, which from the looks of it isn't going to happen. Ironically, I was the calm one in this situation. I'm usually the one who starts crying and yelling at them when they do this. They have a very negative attitude my parents. I want to be positive and that's another reason why I need to get away from them. I ask you to please not judge me because you don't know the full story. I wish you did. I know that I don't want to do the same things my dad did. I want to be a good person. My counsellor tells me I'm sensitive, mature, and intelligent and that I would make a good social worker one day. I've seriously thought about getting into it because I really want to help people and make a positive difference in people's lives.
I don't want to make an effort to be close with them anymore. I just want to get away from them. I can't deal with their attitude. My mom claims I don't appreciate her or my dad. The reasons above are why I don't appreciate them, but they don't get it. I'll tell you I could appreciate and give them all the love and respect in the world. It won't make a difference. They will still hve the exact same attitude. So why bother? Better to just forget about them and focus on my own life.
Sorry just a little more. My dad also once asked me if he and my mom should get divorced. I was 14 when he asked this. That's just an example of his stupidity. Why would somebody put that kind of pressure on their own children?
Don't worry. I won't ever drink or do drugs. I decided early I wouldn't do the same things as my parents. I actually once told my mom I would never start drinking. She actually had the nerve to tell me that I most likely would. I would be out with friends and I would then start drinking. Just an example of her victim role. She clearly doesn't understand that I would never hang out with friends who made me do that.
Trust me, my counsellor doesn't do that. She actually does listen and wants to help. She does something new for me every week I see her.