...Especially during puberty? I'm a 15 year old male, and since I was as small as about 8 I've had an attraction to girls. A pretty intense one. I've fallen in love with one, and seriously wanted to loose my virginity to her even a day before I began questioning my sexuality. I've never been homophobic, and know plenty of people who are homosexual, and I've always known puberty is a confusing time for teens because of bi-curiosity and emerging sexual feelings and everything. I've questioned my sexuality before (briefly, not out of any sexual feelings for males but just to see if I actually had any), and I've always pretty simply knew that I indeed felt no wanting to be with a man or do anything sexual with them, and very much so wanted to get with girls and develop a romantic love (as I began to go into before, I have been in love with my ex-girlfriend for about two years but my current confusion has fogged it up). I'm a pretty romantic guy and always fantasized about girls. Guys have never entered my mind in the sense that they I knew I have made sure that I did not like them multiple times by trying to think of doing sexual things with them and feeling absolutley no desire. Hell, it took me a while to even want to watch straight porn because the guy in it just turned me off. I've been in plenty of locker rooms, sleep away camps, seen guys walk around half naked, ETC, and have NEVER wanted to do anything sexual with them. I've just always been able to notice attractive features about other guys, and admire them for it. You get the point. I started puberty a while ago, about 3-4 years, and even before that I had an attraction to woman (although not as intense of course).
About three weeks ago, this all changed. After a decrease in my libido (way too much masturbation over the course of about 2 years), I met a guy with really cool hair and pretty nice facial features. After looking at him for a while (I sat across from him in class), I weirdly felt as though he was cute. Since then I have had a pretty bad anxiety about being gay, and I'm starting to almost make myself believe that I find other men cute, ones that I have always from my straight point of view toolish and for a girl undesirable. I have an almost subconscious need to look at every guy I see and question if I think he is attractive/if I would do anything sexual with him. When I think of loosing my virginity to the girl I've loved for two years, my stomach feels weird and I get nervous and just not romantic and turned on like usual. I don't feel pleasure anymore, that is for both sexes. Along with my decrease in libido, I really do still feel an attraction to woman, but it feels decreased with my attraction to men being increased. I'm scared and just don't know if I'm bisexual, have just been in denial of my homosexuality for 15 years, if all my straight fantasies have just been a joke, if this is just a phase during puberty, if my hormones are just wack right now, or if I really will develop a more decreased attraction to men and increased attraction to men and will turn gay. It's exaughsting me and I know I shouldn't worry about such stupid things but I can't help it. Only a few times since this all started have I really felt a clarity that I am only attracted to woman, ONE of them being that I fine being bisexual if thats really what it came out to. I've had other things this that I've obsessed and worried about, since I'm kind of a hypochondriac (worry about my health and things relating to it).
I do not buy that I have been gay from birth. That is straight up bullshit because I know how I've always felt towards both men and woman, but this "phase" is really fogging it all up. I don't even know if its a phase. I've heard many stories similar to mine, but I really haven't found a clear answer. What makes people who knew they were straight their whole lives turn gay/bisexual? Is it because they just haven't examined the other side of sexuality, and at whatever point realized "hey, I actually like _____?" Although I have yet to have sex, I know that can't be me because I really have kind of "checked myself" (no, not experimented because I DO NOT want to). I know what I've felt all along, but I'm confused now and really don't know why.
Help?! Thank you for reading this ridiculous, long story.
About three weeks ago, this all changed. After a decrease in my libido (way too much masturbation over the course of about 2 years), I met a guy with really cool hair and pretty nice facial features. After looking at him for a while (I sat across from him in class), I weirdly felt as though he was cute. Since then I have had a pretty bad anxiety about being gay, and I'm starting to almost make myself believe that I find other men cute, ones that I have always from my straight point of view toolish and for a girl undesirable. I have an almost subconscious need to look at every guy I see and question if I think he is attractive/if I would do anything sexual with him. When I think of loosing my virginity to the girl I've loved for two years, my stomach feels weird and I get nervous and just not romantic and turned on like usual. I don't feel pleasure anymore, that is for both sexes. Along with my decrease in libido, I really do still feel an attraction to woman, but it feels decreased with my attraction to men being increased. I'm scared and just don't know if I'm bisexual, have just been in denial of my homosexuality for 15 years, if all my straight fantasies have just been a joke, if this is just a phase during puberty, if my hormones are just wack right now, or if I really will develop a more decreased attraction to men and increased attraction to men and will turn gay. It's exaughsting me and I know I shouldn't worry about such stupid things but I can't help it. Only a few times since this all started have I really felt a clarity that I am only attracted to woman, ONE of them being that I fine being bisexual if thats really what it came out to. I've had other things this that I've obsessed and worried about, since I'm kind of a hypochondriac (worry about my health and things relating to it).
I do not buy that I have been gay from birth. That is straight up bullshit because I know how I've always felt towards both men and woman, but this "phase" is really fogging it all up. I don't even know if its a phase. I've heard many stories similar to mine, but I really haven't found a clear answer. What makes people who knew they were straight their whole lives turn gay/bisexual? Is it because they just haven't examined the other side of sexuality, and at whatever point realized "hey, I actually like _____?" Although I have yet to have sex, I know that can't be me because I really have kind of "checked myself" (no, not experimented because I DO NOT want to). I know what I've felt all along, but I'm confused now and really don't know why.
Help?! Thank you for reading this ridiculous, long story.