dreamheart
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- Dec 31, 2010
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“Wait here, I’ll let them know we‘re here.” Mrs. Holter said. She grabbed the briefcase sitting on the seat next to her. She opened the door and stepped out. Walking up the pathway leading to the house, she kept glancing back at me. What’d she think, I was going to jump out and run off? Maybe I could, I wasn’t too far away from my old town. I could run there and hide somewhere, Cole would help me, Cecilia probably would too. I could even hide in my old house, if Mom and Charlie weren’t there. No one would even know.
I stared out the window, looking at the house that was going to be my new home. The house was rather large, and I was pretty sure it was a Victorian style. It kind of looked like a gingerbread house more than one for people. I hated it already. Mrs. Holter was standing at the front door, waiting for someone to answer. They sure seem excited I’m here. I thought. I rubbed the bruise on my forehead, wondering if this place would actually be any better. That’s why I was here, right? Because living here, away from the few friends I had and the only people who had ever cared about me was better.
“Mom!” A little boy’s voice yelled. I turned back to the window trying to see where the noise had come from. Two boys were wresting in the front yard only a few feet away. An older boy had the one that had just yelled in a headlock.
“Give it back stupid and I’ll let you go.” The older boy screamed in the younger ones face. The younger boy squirmed to try to get free, the older boy’s face grew red with fury. He balled his hand into a fist and punched the younger boy, who was crying by now, right in the stomach. All this seemed very…familiar. I wrapped my hand around the door handle and was just about to come bursting through it when a girl, probably a little older than me, came running up from the back of the house.
“Max stop it!” She yelled, pulling the older boys hands away.
“Oh relax, we were just kidding. Frankie just took my Ipod, that‘s all.” The older boy - who apparently was Max - said. I relaxed in my seat, feeling a little uncomfortable.
“No I didn’t!” The younger boy squealed.
“Both of you just shut up.” The girl motioned toward the car, and me. “There’s another new kid here, can’t you two just be normal for five minutes.” The girl led all three of them to the backyard. So they lived here too, great. I looked back up at the door, Mrs. Holter was walking toward the car with a man and a woman. She smiled and opened my door. I sighed, grabbed my bag and stepped out into the sun.
Okay so that's part of the first chapter, tell me what you think, what you liked about it, disliked, etc. How i can improve it. Thanks in advance!
I stared out the window, looking at the house that was going to be my new home. The house was rather large, and I was pretty sure it was a Victorian style. It kind of looked like a gingerbread house more than one for people. I hated it already. Mrs. Holter was standing at the front door, waiting for someone to answer. They sure seem excited I’m here. I thought. I rubbed the bruise on my forehead, wondering if this place would actually be any better. That’s why I was here, right? Because living here, away from the few friends I had and the only people who had ever cared about me was better.
“Mom!” A little boy’s voice yelled. I turned back to the window trying to see where the noise had come from. Two boys were wresting in the front yard only a few feet away. An older boy had the one that had just yelled in a headlock.
“Give it back stupid and I’ll let you go.” The older boy screamed in the younger ones face. The younger boy squirmed to try to get free, the older boy’s face grew red with fury. He balled his hand into a fist and punched the younger boy, who was crying by now, right in the stomach. All this seemed very…familiar. I wrapped my hand around the door handle and was just about to come bursting through it when a girl, probably a little older than me, came running up from the back of the house.
“Max stop it!” She yelled, pulling the older boys hands away.
“Oh relax, we were just kidding. Frankie just took my Ipod, that‘s all.” The older boy - who apparently was Max - said. I relaxed in my seat, feeling a little uncomfortable.
“No I didn’t!” The younger boy squealed.
“Both of you just shut up.” The girl motioned toward the car, and me. “There’s another new kid here, can’t you two just be normal for five minutes.” The girl led all three of them to the backyard. So they lived here too, great. I looked back up at the door, Mrs. Holter was walking toward the car with a man and a woman. She smiled and opened my door. I sighed, grabbed my bag and stepped out into the sun.
Okay so that's part of the first chapter, tell me what you think, what you liked about it, disliked, etc. How i can improve it. Thanks in advance!