Im stuck in a rut, feel misunderstood-should i just give up?

[sweetums09]

nobody understands me at all, im 17 years old and i suffer from social anxiety. My cousins and friends all ask me why i dont have a boyfriend sayin that im pretty and they dont understand why i dont date but they dont understand the real reason. They think i just dont want to but thats not the case. Then its like everyone keeps lookin at me like they cant figure me out and why i ve never had a boyfriend and why im so shy and quiet, i do want to date and hang out and live my life but this problem is h o l d i n g me back and i feel horrible. Then when boys do like me or ask me out i freeze up and i dont go on dates bc im afraid i will look stupid and that people will be judging me. My own mama just called me pathetic becuase ive never had a boyfriend and i was in my room crying becuase everyone is putting pressure on me but they dont even understand what i go through everyday just to even go to a store thats crowded i have panic attacks so as of right now i cant even imagine dating. I wish they could step in my shoes for a day and see why i am the way i am and why i avoid going places and doing certain things. I just dont want to embarass myself.

Its like im letting everyone down and people always tell me that they dont understand me but i would do anything to be like evryone else and somtimes i want to just die becuase i really dont know what to do. Im tired of living like this and im tired of explaining myself to people who just dont understand. Plus it seems like im just standing in one place and nothing is getting better. i want to be strong and not give up but i dont even have someone to talk to becuase they don care so i feel like maybe if i just die they would be happy becuase i might as well be dead living like this with nobody to understand.