BeautyWithTheBeat
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- Nov 9, 2010
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absolutely perfect. Help please? Okay, so this a VERY important chapter in my book. It's near the end. It involves a kissing scene, the very first that I've ever written, and I need to know if it's any good. The whole chapter. Please read it all. And for a bit of background info so you won't be confused.
Skylar- a witch who's coming to terms with her powers. Called Sky (her nickname) in this chapter.
Sade, Leila, and Ryan Hamilton- Vampires. Fighting on the good side. Siblings.
Maia Sinclair- Human, mixed up with the vampires.
Noel Van Dyke- "evil" vampire. In a love hate relationship with Maia.
Liam Prescott- Human, for now. Prophecized to be the one to kill Noel's father, the "dark lord." (His parents were murdered by Noel's father too).
PLEASE PLEASE READ IT ALL!
I know a lot of people HATE vampires, but my book isn't crap. I don't think it is. It's not some sissy book where everything is totally dramatic and the females are losers who always need someone to save them
Here we go!
Sometime around 2:00 AM, Maia lay in her bed, shivering under the safety of her duvet cover. Her fingers clutched emerald talisman as the nights’ events played over in her mind, like a horror movie stuck on replay, ensuring that she’d have nightmares for the rest of her life.
She remembered it all; Sade’s screams as the veins under her eyes became visible and her body going limp; Ryan and Leila running to get to their sister, even as blood leaked from their body. Sky trying to control the fire as Liam fought his way from under the smoke on the balcony. Try to forget, a voice chanted in Maia’s head. But she couldn’t forget, wouldn’t forget.
Especially the look on Noel’s face when he realized she was still trapped in the burning house, without a way to get out. He’d seen the opening, all the way on the other side of the manor, she knew he did. He could have gotten to it, and left her on the smoldering staircase. But he’d chosen to come back for her, risking his self being burned. At the last moment, as Sky weakened, the talisman had saved her, and Liam had plunged headfirst to the ground. Noel had scrambled out of a window right before the house collapsed completely.
Tears streamed out of the corners of her eyes. She felt like a hypocrite, thinking about Noel while Liam and Sade lay in critical condition less than a mile away at the Hamilton Estate. From the beginning, when she’d first met Noel in the forest that day, he’d been nothing but dark and distant. But for some reason, she just couldn’t stay away from him. She spent almost every waking moment of her days thinking about him. His family had always been at war the Hamilton’s, and Liam had been prophesized to be the one to kill his father, so of course he hated her friends. But there was some type of magnetic force between them, and it kept pulling her towards him, no matter how dangerous he was.
Maia threw the cover back. There was no way she was getting any sleep tonight, at least without some type of closure. She slipped a pair of boots onto her feet and pulled a sweatshirt over her arms.
Maia pulled open her window and slipped out. She tiptoed down the fire escape, in case her dad happened to be awake. Her feet guided her to the edge of the woods behind her house. She knew he’d be in the forest, he always was.
Leaves crunched under her feet as she walked deeper into the forest. The cold wind nipped at her bare fingers and blew her hair away from her neck. The silver moon shone down over the trees, making a silhouette in the background. Maia shivered, and not entirely from the cold.
“I knew you’d be here,” a familiar voice sounded from behind her. Maia whipped around, and saw Noel’s shadow race around the trees. She hated when he did that. “I want to talk,” she said, her voice wavering. She saw his shadow again this time in front of her. He emerged from the dark, looking perfectly clean and manicured, as if he hadn’t been caught in a fire just a few hours before. He was dressed in his signature color, black. Black pants, and a black jacket with silver buckles. On his feet was a pair of Italian leather shoes, also black. His jet black hair and ensemble contrasted perfectly with his pale white skin. He was devilishly handsome.
Noel smirked, and Maia blushed when she realized she was openly admiring him. She felt grungy compared to him in her old sweatshirt and pajama pants. “You want to talk?” his smooth voice asked. Maia’s mind briefly compared his voice to rich, dark, smooth, chocolate.
“Yes,” Maia said firmly. She hesitated. “Last night, when the house was burning,” she paused. A flicker of something passed across Noel’s face. Emotion? “What about it,” Noel asked coolly. Maia faltered, wondering if coming tonight was a good idea.
“When the house was burning, you could have gotten out. You came back for-,” she stopped herself before saying, ‘for me.’ Noel’s eyes darted to one side, and Maia saw his façade slip for a fraction of a second, and then it was back up. “Actually, there was a part on the floor that was burning and blocking the way. I had no choice but to come back.”
Maia shook her head, refusing to believe that. “I saw it,” she ground out.
Noel stared back at her. “Was there a reason you came here tonight?” he asked in the same cool voice. “I guess I needed closure,” Maia whispered. “Something was bothering me, and I figured out what it is. You’re rude, dark, foreboding, your family’s evil, they hate humans, yet you stayed back while I was trapped. I want an explanation.” The fact that she said your family is evil and hate humans didn’t go unnoticed by Noel.
“I’ve told you already, Sinclair,” Noel said. “I didn’t stay because of you. I would never risk my life for a human.” His words stung, but Maia refused to believe it. “I don’t believe you,” she looked him squarely in the eye. “I don’t believe one word you say.” Noel looked ready to argue, but she plowed on.
“When I first met you that day in the forest, you were distant, but not threatening. Every time we meet in the forest, you’re the same, but never once have you tried to hurt me. Yes, you drink human blood, and yes, you kill innocent people, and other vampires. But I refuse to believe that you’re complete evil. There’s some part of you, as small as it may be, that cares. I know it is.”
Noel glared at her, and Maia glared back. Her Sinclair pride and courage refused to back down. “This is my last time telling you, Sinclair,” his dark voice whispered. “Human life means nothing to me. Yours especially. And if I was ever given the order to kill you, I would.”
Before her mind could register what she was doing, her palm flew up. It connected with the side of Noel’s face with a sharp slap. The sheer force of it made his face snap to one side. Maia’s palm stung, but she felt like doing it again.
Her eyes had darkened in anger and hurt, and she felt that she could slap him again and again for the next hour.
The look Noel gave her was one that immediately made her shrink away. He was capable of hurting her, but she had a feeling he wouldn’t, at least not to a certain extent. He looked positively murderous.
In a split second, she was pushed forcefully against a tree. Her back throbbed painfully as it connected with the trunk. Tears from the pain gathered in her eyes, but she refused to let herself cry, especially in front of him.
“You’re going to regret that,” Noel growled. Maia wasn’t listening. She had something to prove.
Her fingers deftly reached for her talisman. “What are you,” Noel began. Maia reached for the necklace’s clasp, and unclipped it. It slipped into her hand, and she let it fall through her fingers onto the muddy ground.
“I’m free,” she stated, staring him in the eye. “You have the chance to hurt me. Snap my neck, bite me. You have the power now.”
She knew she was treading on this ice. She was going off a suspicion that he wouldn’t hurt her. But when pride got in the way, there was no telling what a person would do.
Noel’s eyes were cold and calculating. His dark red lips were being worried by his perfect set of teeth. His hands moved from her shoulders, and cupped the side of her face, firmly. Maia’s breath stopped. He wouldn’t, would he? She squeezed her eyes closed, waiting for the pain to come. It never did.
Gathering the last inch of courage left in her, she peeked through her eyelids. Noel was staring at the pulse point on her neck, his breathing labored. For a second, their eyes connected. He tilted her face to the side. Was he really going to bite her?
Noel tilted his head to the side, and muttered some kind of expletive under his breath. His eyes flickered shut, and then, his lips slammed down onto hers.
Maia barely had time to react before he pulled back.
She opened her mouth and started to say something, presumably yell, but he silenced her by kissing her again. This time, her eyes shut along with his, and her lips followed his movements.
His lips were cold and soft, like a pillow. This was wrong, so wrong, yet neither could stop. Maia’s hands fisted the material on his jacket and pulled him closer. She felt like she was drowning in a sea, and she welcomed the feeling.
Noel pulled back and gasped for air. His lips were swollen, and Maia could feel hers were too. She started to back away, but he grabbed her arm. “No,” he muttered, and his lips met hers again. They were locked in a tight embrace, lips moving against each others. She couldn’t get enough, and could he.
Noel pulled back for the final time. Maia kept her eyes squeezed shut. “This doesn’t change anything, Sinclair,” he breathed out. He was wrong, Maia thought. It changed everything.
She could feel him retreat. “Last night wasn’t the end,” he ground out. “It’s about get worse. Much worse. And when my father finds you, he won’t spare you. I’m warning you, Sinclair. If you knew what was best, you would leave all of this alone. Take my warning, or die along with the rest of your friends.”
A gust of air sounded in her ears, and she knew he’d left. Her heart was beating so quickly, she felt as if it was going to jump straight out of her chest. Her legs gave way, and she slid down the tree trunk and sunk to the ground.
Maia realized tears were streaming down her face. And they weren’t going to stop for a while. She reached for the talisman and slid it back over her neck. Her heart was broken. As much as she tried to convince herself, she knew the truth. She and Noel would never work. They were destined to fail.
They had been from the very beginning.
Thats it! Thanks for reading!
P.S- I'm only 12, so I'm not that good. I need the criticism!
Skylar- a witch who's coming to terms with her powers. Called Sky (her nickname) in this chapter.
Sade, Leila, and Ryan Hamilton- Vampires. Fighting on the good side. Siblings.
Maia Sinclair- Human, mixed up with the vampires.
Noel Van Dyke- "evil" vampire. In a love hate relationship with Maia.
Liam Prescott- Human, for now. Prophecized to be the one to kill Noel's father, the "dark lord." (His parents were murdered by Noel's father too).
PLEASE PLEASE READ IT ALL!
I know a lot of people HATE vampires, but my book isn't crap. I don't think it is. It's not some sissy book where everything is totally dramatic and the females are losers who always need someone to save them
Here we go!
Sometime around 2:00 AM, Maia lay in her bed, shivering under the safety of her duvet cover. Her fingers clutched emerald talisman as the nights’ events played over in her mind, like a horror movie stuck on replay, ensuring that she’d have nightmares for the rest of her life.
She remembered it all; Sade’s screams as the veins under her eyes became visible and her body going limp; Ryan and Leila running to get to their sister, even as blood leaked from their body. Sky trying to control the fire as Liam fought his way from under the smoke on the balcony. Try to forget, a voice chanted in Maia’s head. But she couldn’t forget, wouldn’t forget.
Especially the look on Noel’s face when he realized she was still trapped in the burning house, without a way to get out. He’d seen the opening, all the way on the other side of the manor, she knew he did. He could have gotten to it, and left her on the smoldering staircase. But he’d chosen to come back for her, risking his self being burned. At the last moment, as Sky weakened, the talisman had saved her, and Liam had plunged headfirst to the ground. Noel had scrambled out of a window right before the house collapsed completely.
Tears streamed out of the corners of her eyes. She felt like a hypocrite, thinking about Noel while Liam and Sade lay in critical condition less than a mile away at the Hamilton Estate. From the beginning, when she’d first met Noel in the forest that day, he’d been nothing but dark and distant. But for some reason, she just couldn’t stay away from him. She spent almost every waking moment of her days thinking about him. His family had always been at war the Hamilton’s, and Liam had been prophesized to be the one to kill his father, so of course he hated her friends. But there was some type of magnetic force between them, and it kept pulling her towards him, no matter how dangerous he was.
Maia threw the cover back. There was no way she was getting any sleep tonight, at least without some type of closure. She slipped a pair of boots onto her feet and pulled a sweatshirt over her arms.
Maia pulled open her window and slipped out. She tiptoed down the fire escape, in case her dad happened to be awake. Her feet guided her to the edge of the woods behind her house. She knew he’d be in the forest, he always was.
Leaves crunched under her feet as she walked deeper into the forest. The cold wind nipped at her bare fingers and blew her hair away from her neck. The silver moon shone down over the trees, making a silhouette in the background. Maia shivered, and not entirely from the cold.
“I knew you’d be here,” a familiar voice sounded from behind her. Maia whipped around, and saw Noel’s shadow race around the trees. She hated when he did that. “I want to talk,” she said, her voice wavering. She saw his shadow again this time in front of her. He emerged from the dark, looking perfectly clean and manicured, as if he hadn’t been caught in a fire just a few hours before. He was dressed in his signature color, black. Black pants, and a black jacket with silver buckles. On his feet was a pair of Italian leather shoes, also black. His jet black hair and ensemble contrasted perfectly with his pale white skin. He was devilishly handsome.
Noel smirked, and Maia blushed when she realized she was openly admiring him. She felt grungy compared to him in her old sweatshirt and pajama pants. “You want to talk?” his smooth voice asked. Maia’s mind briefly compared his voice to rich, dark, smooth, chocolate.
“Yes,” Maia said firmly. She hesitated. “Last night, when the house was burning,” she paused. A flicker of something passed across Noel’s face. Emotion? “What about it,” Noel asked coolly. Maia faltered, wondering if coming tonight was a good idea.
“When the house was burning, you could have gotten out. You came back for-,” she stopped herself before saying, ‘for me.’ Noel’s eyes darted to one side, and Maia saw his façade slip for a fraction of a second, and then it was back up. “Actually, there was a part on the floor that was burning and blocking the way. I had no choice but to come back.”
Maia shook her head, refusing to believe that. “I saw it,” she ground out.
Noel stared back at her. “Was there a reason you came here tonight?” he asked in the same cool voice. “I guess I needed closure,” Maia whispered. “Something was bothering me, and I figured out what it is. You’re rude, dark, foreboding, your family’s evil, they hate humans, yet you stayed back while I was trapped. I want an explanation.” The fact that she said your family is evil and hate humans didn’t go unnoticed by Noel.
“I’ve told you already, Sinclair,” Noel said. “I didn’t stay because of you. I would never risk my life for a human.” His words stung, but Maia refused to believe it. “I don’t believe you,” she looked him squarely in the eye. “I don’t believe one word you say.” Noel looked ready to argue, but she plowed on.
“When I first met you that day in the forest, you were distant, but not threatening. Every time we meet in the forest, you’re the same, but never once have you tried to hurt me. Yes, you drink human blood, and yes, you kill innocent people, and other vampires. But I refuse to believe that you’re complete evil. There’s some part of you, as small as it may be, that cares. I know it is.”
Noel glared at her, and Maia glared back. Her Sinclair pride and courage refused to back down. “This is my last time telling you, Sinclair,” his dark voice whispered. “Human life means nothing to me. Yours especially. And if I was ever given the order to kill you, I would.”
Before her mind could register what she was doing, her palm flew up. It connected with the side of Noel’s face with a sharp slap. The sheer force of it made his face snap to one side. Maia’s palm stung, but she felt like doing it again.
Her eyes had darkened in anger and hurt, and she felt that she could slap him again and again for the next hour.
The look Noel gave her was one that immediately made her shrink away. He was capable of hurting her, but she had a feeling he wouldn’t, at least not to a certain extent. He looked positively murderous.
In a split second, she was pushed forcefully against a tree. Her back throbbed painfully as it connected with the trunk. Tears from the pain gathered in her eyes, but she refused to let herself cry, especially in front of him.
“You’re going to regret that,” Noel growled. Maia wasn’t listening. She had something to prove.
Her fingers deftly reached for her talisman. “What are you,” Noel began. Maia reached for the necklace’s clasp, and unclipped it. It slipped into her hand, and she let it fall through her fingers onto the muddy ground.
“I’m free,” she stated, staring him in the eye. “You have the chance to hurt me. Snap my neck, bite me. You have the power now.”
She knew she was treading on this ice. She was going off a suspicion that he wouldn’t hurt her. But when pride got in the way, there was no telling what a person would do.
Noel’s eyes were cold and calculating. His dark red lips were being worried by his perfect set of teeth. His hands moved from her shoulders, and cupped the side of her face, firmly. Maia’s breath stopped. He wouldn’t, would he? She squeezed her eyes closed, waiting for the pain to come. It never did.
Gathering the last inch of courage left in her, she peeked through her eyelids. Noel was staring at the pulse point on her neck, his breathing labored. For a second, their eyes connected. He tilted her face to the side. Was he really going to bite her?
Noel tilted his head to the side, and muttered some kind of expletive under his breath. His eyes flickered shut, and then, his lips slammed down onto hers.
Maia barely had time to react before he pulled back.
She opened her mouth and started to say something, presumably yell, but he silenced her by kissing her again. This time, her eyes shut along with his, and her lips followed his movements.
His lips were cold and soft, like a pillow. This was wrong, so wrong, yet neither could stop. Maia’s hands fisted the material on his jacket and pulled him closer. She felt like she was drowning in a sea, and she welcomed the feeling.
Noel pulled back and gasped for air. His lips were swollen, and Maia could feel hers were too. She started to back away, but he grabbed her arm. “No,” he muttered, and his lips met hers again. They were locked in a tight embrace, lips moving against each others. She couldn’t get enough, and could he.
Noel pulled back for the final time. Maia kept her eyes squeezed shut. “This doesn’t change anything, Sinclair,” he breathed out. He was wrong, Maia thought. It changed everything.
She could feel him retreat. “Last night wasn’t the end,” he ground out. “It’s about get worse. Much worse. And when my father finds you, he won’t spare you. I’m warning you, Sinclair. If you knew what was best, you would leave all of this alone. Take my warning, or die along with the rest of your friends.”
A gust of air sounded in her ears, and she knew he’d left. Her heart was beating so quickly, she felt as if it was going to jump straight out of her chest. Her legs gave way, and she slid down the tree trunk and sunk to the ground.
Maia realized tears were streaming down her face. And they weren’t going to stop for a while. She reached for the talisman and slid it back over her neck. Her heart was broken. As much as she tried to convince herself, she knew the truth. She and Noel would never work. They were destined to fail.
They had been from the very beginning.
Thats it! Thanks for reading!
P.S- I'm only 12, so I'm not that good. I need the criticism!