>
> This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company
> Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets
> rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors'
> choice for best webmail-award-winning
> letter.
>
> Dear Mr. Thatcher,
> I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years
> and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard
> Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I 'd probably never go horseback riding
> or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down
> the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be
> your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on
> being the only company s mart enough to realize how crucial it is that
> maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel
> each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
> Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
> the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is
> starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
> violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body
> will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call
> 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
> As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
> quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers
> monthly v isits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the
> bloating, puffiness, and crampi ng we endure, and about our intense
> mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely
> realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my
> friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's
> testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he
> thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
> The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
> crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants...which brings me to the
> reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so
> painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I
> opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,
> were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
> Are you f*#&ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
> middle-man ager brain really think happiness - actual smiling,
> laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
> mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
> FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never
> be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up
> on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't
> march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a
> sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
> For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap
> a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
> something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
> 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
> Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
> immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
> chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I
> will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss
> your brand of condescending bull shit. And that's a promise I will
> keep. Always.
> Best,
> Wendi Aarons
> Austin , TX
> This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company
> Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets
> rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors'
> choice for best webmail-award-winning
> letter.
>
> Dear Mr. Thatcher,
> I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years
> and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard
> Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I 'd probably never go horseback riding
> or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down
> the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be
> your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on
> being the only company s mart enough to realize how crucial it is that
> maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel
> each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
> Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
> the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is
> starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
> violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body
> will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call
> 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
> As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
> quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers
> monthly v isits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the
> bloating, puffiness, and crampi ng we endure, and about our intense
> mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely
> realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my
> friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's
> testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he
> thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
> The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
> crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants...which brings me to the
> reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so
> painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I
> opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,
> were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
> Are you f*#&ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
> middle-man ager brain really think happiness - actual smiling,
> laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
> mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
> FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never
> be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up
> on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't
> march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a
> sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
> For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap
> a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
> something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
> 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
> Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
> immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
> chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I
> will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss
> your brand of condescending bull shit. And that's a promise I will
> keep. Always.
> Best,
> Wendi Aarons
> Austin , TX