Esp for the first paragraph. I tend to write when the character wakes up in the morning, and how sun beamed at her and stuff like that. I think its getting cliche and boring.
How to make it interesting?
I haven't read a good fantasy in a long while. Every random book I pick up has a very common storyline where a young magic-abled boy must become a hero by bringing together 2 towns or something.
So what do you have? :)